"There are souls who only brush the earth."
Benjamin Muir was born on August 17, 2004 after six hours of labor, in the same hospital in which his older brothers were born. He was supposed to be a winter baby.
He was awaited, with joy and trepidation -- three kids? How can we manage that? We arranged our lives around him. We bought a bigger car, so we could drive him and his brothers around in their children's seats. We delayed an impending move, discussed names, bought tiny little socks for him. Alan learned not to jump on Mommy's belly because of the baby inside.
Nothing prepared us for that one ultrasound in August. Where we looked for movements and somersaults, there were none. Where we looked for a fluttering, beating heart - silence.
We don't know what went wrong. A problem with the chromosomes? A virus that got past the placenta? Something subtle and biochemical? By the time we found out, it was too late to tell. We'll never know.
At 18 weeks, Benjamin was just under the official line that separates miscarriage from stillbirth. We have not found this a very useful distinction. We miss him terribly.
His funeral is on Friday, September 10, at 2 pm in Schweinfurt.
Posted by claudia at September 6, 2004 07:02 PMMy condolences :(
Posted by: Bojan at September 6, 2004 10:27 PMI will light a candle and think of your loss.
For whatever reasons, my own mother had more late term miscarriages than live births. I remember as a teenager watching her as she awaited the labor to begin, knowing she had lost an other one. The look in her eyes was one I will never fortget.
Claudia, if you and Doug have that look in your eyes or in your hearts now, I know there is nothing I can do to help, but want to ease the pain - knowing that I cannot.
Profitne
Posted by: Susan P rofit at September 6, 2004 10:53 PMOh, no. This is terrible news. There isn't much anyone can say on an occasion like this, but both of you are in my prayers.
This is absolutely heartbreaking news, my condolences to your family. My thoughts and sympathies are with you.
Posted by: Michael M. at September 7, 2004 01:34 AMClaudia, I wish there was something to say that could take away the heartache. Many virtual hugs to all of you!
Posted by: Lois Fundis at September 7, 2004 07:03 AMThank you all. We're meddling through. Some days are better, some are worse. I still want him back, though. It feels like betrayal not to have him.
I can't even imagine what the mothers and fathers of the children in Beslan must feel. Becoming parents also means making yourself more vulnerable than you could ever imagine before.
Posted by: claudia at September 7, 2004 02:09 PMPlease accept my condolences.
All I can offer right now is one huge virtual hug for you and your family.
Posted by: Dragan Antulov at September 7, 2004 10:53 PMDoug and Claudia,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say something more meaningful than that, but...I am sorry. This is heart-breaking.
Posted by: Colin Alberts at September 8, 2004 02:54 AMSo very sorry. To lose a child is the most difficult loss of all.
Posted by: sharon at September 8, 2004 03:02 PMI'm so sorry for you guys :/ I hope that Alan and David will help both of you overcome this times of loss and grief.
Posted by: Tina at September 9, 2004 11:50 AMMy sympathies with you, Doug, and all of yours at this trying time.
Posted by: Randy McDonald at September 10, 2004 03:33 AMThis is terrible news. My deepest sympathies.
Posted by: Rich Rostrom at September 13, 2004 10:04 AMOur thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Posted by: filkferengi at September 13, 2004 09:02 PMMy heartfelt condolences. I can not imagine how hard this must be for you two. You both, and Benjamin, are in my prayers.
Posted by: Mike Ralls at September 15, 2004 01:43 AM