May 12, 2004
Things the EU really needs (in addition to love)
I'm shamelessly lifting this from a recent post at Idle Words, because it's so good. (And a tip of the hat to Dragos' ever-informative Argumente for bringing it to my attention.)
So: Things the European Union Really Needs...
A common foreign policy
Consensus about the proper scope of federal rule
A credible army
Mandatory musical re-education camps
A meaningful role for the European parliament
Decent Mexican food
Reductions in bureaucracy
Agricultural reform
Some degree of sovereign power
A constitution
24 hour convenience stores
Jobs
An increase in the birth rate
A sane immigration policy
Deportation of all Eurovision contestants to karaoke bars in Central Asia
Lower taxes
Aircraft carriers
Air conditioning
Just a couple of notes...
1) What is it with Europeans and Mexican food? Y'all love Mexican food. We know you can cook. Why, in a continent of 450 million people, are there only three decent Mexican restaurants?
2) *A* constitution, but not *that* constitution.
3) I know it's all about antiquated labor laws and all that. But you know you want to go to 7-11 half an hour after midnight to score some Ben & Jerry's.
Ooh, ooh, there's my addition to the list. Really excellent mass-market ice cream. Not pretty good -- you have that -- but incredibly excellent. Ben & Jerry's and Haagen-Dazs. The stuff that makes you eat a pint (or 0.45 liters) at a sitting and then sit numbed, realizing you've just snarfed down something like 1500 calories, but unable to in any way regret it.
You want it. You know you want it. And you want it now... not from 8 to 8 Monday-Friday, 8 to 2 Saturday, and never on Sunday ever. Now.
Read the whole post, BTW. "In the future, every major historical event will have a crap soundtrack." One to watch.
I find it difficult to believe no other suggestions have been posted.
My own European experiences are wholly out of date. A humbler man than I would refrain from this attempt.
But here it goes, anyway:
A common postal system -- same number of "zip"code digits for any address, one stamp for a standard letter from any address in any EU nation to any other.
Potable ice.
A certain amount of grudging respect for, and appreciation of, those strange white and yellow lines many governments paint onto the surfaces of their highways.
More wandering Irish folksingers. (No, you can't have too many...)
Georgists; to distract the Marxists into dialectics instead of official policy making.
An intellectually honest, detail-oriented and statistically rigorous young economist with excellent "Green" credentials to examine the claims of Bjorn Lomberg ... and publish, of course.
Every rap musician in America. (I'm done. I don't want any. All of 'em, every last one. Europe, they're yours. Take 'em. PLEASE! I'm begging you, now...)